You are in the Special Features section - Victoria Coren, Poker Stars, Balderdash and Piffle, The Observer and The Guardian

Digger asks writer, broadcaster and professional poker player Victoria Coren a few questions. 

 

Victoria Coren

 

 

 

Some images courtesy of and © copyright www.rexfeatures.com

 

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Digger: I'm a bit of an old git when it comes to the use of language. I email webmasters when I find errors on their websites, I wince when someone uses the hackneyed phrases "emotional roller-coaster" and "awesome" or when they regularly mispronounce 'controversy' or 'decade' on the news. Are you an old git like me when it comes to abuse of English and do you think that our use of our language is declining and, if so, what is this attributable to? (To what is this attributable?!)

Victoria: Well I can't agree to being an "old git" about this, because I don't want to give linguistic precision any more of a bad name than it already has! There's no reason why young people shouldn't feel a love for the English language, and a desire to see it used in all its perfect finery - I'm sure many of them do. But yes, certainly, I wince at misplaced apostrophes and clichés in newspaper columns and "Ceaser salads" on restaurant menus. I must say, though, I didn't know it was possible to mispronounce "decade". I can't tell you what the reason is; I don't think it's a new problem. I'm sure if you went back a few centuries, literacy and spelling would be a lot worse than they are now! We will never reach 100% perfect literacy, but that's no reason to stop trying.

Digger: Your skills/interest with language AND with poker are unusual, are they not? Normally people are either mathematical or linguistic, but seldom both. Why do you think you are an exception?

Victoria: I'm not sure that I am an exception. When Balderdash & Piffle was running, lots of people in the casino told me they were watching it. It's a bit of an old chestnut, this maths/language divide. Sometimes I think it's invented by "artistic" people, because they think it's a bit nerdy to be interested in maths or science. It isn't at all. It's cool to be interested in anything.

Digger: I am not good at poker but I have won five times out of six when visiting casinos to play roulette. I don't exactly have a system, but I do think that you can place and spread your chips so that your odds of winning are increased. I also think that because I went there to enjoy myself and knew how much I was prepared to lose, I was more relaxed than most of the other players who seemed very intense. Does this relaxed and realistic approach also relate to poker?

Victoria: Being realistic is certainly a key poker skill, along with many others. And if you're gambling on anything, it's vital to know in advance how much you are prepared to lose, and stop if you reach it. But I'm afraid I must tell you that your roulette strategy isn't going to help you in the long run; spreading the chips out does mean you're more likely to hit a number, but you're risking more money each time so it all evens out. The bad news is that, on all table games (as opposed to poker), the odds are in favour of the house and you cannot win long-term whatever you do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Digger: I have read your advice about poker on your website and, with the increase in people playing poker online, I wonder if the inability to read people's faces, tone and body language is a major disadvantage when playing virtually rather than in reality?

Victoria: Reading people's body language is a big advantage against nervous new players, but it doesn't really help at the professional level because the players are too good to give much away. More important than reading faces, voices or bodies is reading betting patterns: working out who bets what, with what kind of hand, at what stage of the action. You can do this on PokerStars.com just as easily as you can in a casino.

Digger: You filmed and directed a porn video and wrote a book about the experience called Once More, With Feeling. I agree with your premise that most porn is not very sexy or erotic at all, finding it rather 'bull in a china shop' and risible. What do you think are the key ingredients to great porn?

Victoria: Well, if you're a fetishist then the most important ingredient is whatever your fetish happens to be! In my opinion, it's the build-up that's usually done badly. If porn directors ever managed to create sexual tension, spark and chemistry like you see sometimes in Hollywood movies, the ensuing love scene would have much more crackle. If a man just walks onto a wonky set and takes his trousers off, that's not terribly erotic.

Digger: Your Dad was one of those unique 'comedy people' that Britain seems to produce in each generation. Rather eccentric, very witty, talented, innovative, mischievous and good fun. What characteristics of his do you think you've inherited and how would you describe him and yourself?

Victoria: Goodness, that's a very big question. I've inherited his impatience, his fair skin, his loyalty, his sentimentality, his short fuse, his love of doughnuts and his instinct always to look for the joke. Answering at any greater length than that would take a whole book.

 

 

 

 

 

Digger: Who are your heroes of comedy? And which writers do you most admire? Who have been the biggest influences on your life?

Victoria: I love anyone who's ever made me laugh. I especially admire people like Victoria Wood and Harry Hill, who almost always manage to be funny without saying anything really nasty about anyone. Then again, I love Joan Rivers who is horrible about everyone. I think the News Quiz team - Jeremy Hardy, Mark Steel, Andy Hamilton and Sandi Toksvig - are all hilarious and brilliant. Stephen Fry is a genius, and I can't look at Hugh Laurie without laughing - which is unfortunate, now that he's a serious actor. David Mitchell is the best of the younger people, he's terrific. Charlie Brooker is probably the funniest columnist. My best friend Charlie Skelton has made me laugh more often than anybody else. And the biggest influence on my life was certainly my father.

Digger: You run a great highly informational and up-to-date website and maintain a blog. Do you think it's important to 'embrace' such technologies and do you get a lot of positive response and useful feedback from the site?

Victoria: I'm not really a big embracer of technology. I bought an iPod a few months ago, but I still don't understand how to listen to music on it. I have cassette tapes in the car. I have no idea how most machines work. I'm a bit of a Luddite really; the only thing I really love about modern technology is internet poker. And penicillin, I suppose. But it's fun having a website, as long as I don't have to design it myself.

Digger: You have fronted a number of TV and radio programmes on words and poker. Is British broadcasting still sexist these days (many women I have interviewed say that it is) and do you have to work harder as a woman in broadcasting (and poker) to be noticed?

Victoria: I don't work enough in broadcasting to know whether it's sexist or not - I have worked as much as I wanted to, and I'm grateful for that. But if clever older women like Selina Scott and Anna Ford say that the broadcast industry is sexist, then I believe that it is. Certainly I think the broadcasters fail to appreciate the appeal of older female presenters, especially in news: they are trustworthy and reassuring, while still looking fantastic on screen. They are the people we want to see. I miss Moira Stuart terribly. But I can answer the question "Is poker sexist?" with more experience: yes of course it is.

Digger: Who would be at your ideal dinner party of guests, living or dead, real or fictional? And why?

Victoria: Oh, my ideal dinner party would involve a bunch of my old friends from college. I'm sure that Shakespeare, Jesus and Florence Nightingale would be very exciting to see around my dinner table, but I don't know them so I'd be all nervous and wouldn't enjoy it.

 

 

 

 

 

Digger: I enjoyed 'Balderdash' immensely and am very keen on etymology. What are some of your favourite words and expressions and why? And which words or phrases would you ban if you could? Is there a new series on the way?

Victoria: Looking at the etymology of almost any English phrase will give it added weight, meaning and colour. The expression ‘happy as a sandboy’, for example, refers to 19th century London, when boys sold sand from barrows in the street, and were reputed to be constantly drunk. I like the word "ferret" which comes (via Old French) from the Latin word for a thief: I can just imagine the old Roman who first looked at a ferret and thought there was something suspicious about it. ("Furtive" has the same root). ‘Ferreting out’ refers to the 16th century gamekeepers’ practice of sending ferrets down rabbit holes to flush out the ingredients of a tasty pie. I love all that stuff.
I don't think I'm a big one for banning language, but I've tried to stop using the word "cretin" since learning from Balderdash & Piffle that it's a corruption of the French ‘Chrétien’ meaning Christian. It was coined in the 18th century, specifically to encourage people to think more respectfully and kindly about those with a mental handicap: they too are Christians. I'm hoping not to use it as a casual slur again.

Digger: Can you tell us what you have lined-up for 2009?

Victoria: Well, I'm writing a book which is supposed to be published in September 2009 so I had better hurry up and get that finished. I'll be playing several events on the European Poker Tour - they are the best live tournaments in all of poker, and I'll certainly be playing the ones in Deauville, Monte Carlo, London and Barcelona; I hope a few others too. Then I hope we'll be making another series of the BBC4 quiz show Only Connect - I really enjoyed doing that, so I hope the BBC want another series. And I might do another series of Heresy on Radio 4; the BBC have offered one, which is very kind, and I loved the programme but it made me nervous because of the live audience, so I haven't yet completely decided whether to do it again or not!

Digger: What makes you laugh, what make you sad, what makes you angry and what makes you hopeful?

Victoria: Everything makes me laugh. The passing of time makes me sad. Other people's aggression makes me angry. And I feel hopeful all the time; it is my natural state. Of all the things for which I'm grateful, the biggest is having been born an optimist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Digger: What has been your biggest achievement so far and what would you still like to accomplish?

Victoria: I suppose winning the London leg of the European Poker Tour in 2006 is my most obvious achievement. That, or winning the prize for Best Cake at the Clacton Arts Festival 2005. But any time I manage to behave nicely when I'm feeling irritable, I consider it my greatest achievement of all time! There are millions of things I'd like to accomplish, but the daily struggle is always trying to be a better person.

Digger: Are people who are good at quizzes bad at being sociable? My girlfriend claims this to be true and I tell her to shut up because I'm watching University Challenge, Eggheads or Only Connect.

Victoria: Ooh, that's a good question. But I would say the problem lies with the definition of "being sociable". Who is in the wrong here? It's possible that there's a certain kind of person who is good at quizzes and crosswords, loves facts and figures, but feels a little at sea with smalltalk and topical chitchat at parties. But hey - that's my kind of guy.

Digger: What devices, technology or toys could you not do without?

Victoria: I couldn't do without PokerStars, the online poker website. They are my sponsors and have made it possible for me to play many more live tournaments than I otherwise would have done in the past year - for which I'm grateful, but that aside, the site is a beautiful innovation. Time was when the only poker I could play involved going out in the middle of the night, dressed smartly, with my membership card, ready to commit several hours to playing at whatever stakes were available. Now I can go online at home, for an hour or two hours or five hours or however long I've got, and play whatever game I like, for whatever stakes I choose. In the comfort of my own living room with a nice cup of tea. I'm hooked on that freedom. I couldn't go back to how it was.

Digger: Have you ever been lost for words or tongue-tied? They say actions and pictures speak louder than words but I'm not sure that these are always appropriate and find words very apposite. What do you think?

Victoria: Put me in a cocktail party environment and you'll soon see me tongue-tied. 

Digger: Have you seen the Tony Hawks website where he replies to youngsters who have mistaken him for the American skateboarder Tony HAWK? It's very funny. http://tony-hawks.com/skateboarding.php

Victoria: I'm afraid not. But if you say it's funny, I'll have a look.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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